Friday, December 24, 2010

                              I like Christmas, but Christmas Doesn't Like Me

     I have a perverse relationship with this season. I always have had. I'm a lapsed Judeo-Christian so I understand the religious significance. I read so I know the pagan ritual roots thing. I paid attention during science so I understand about the Winter Solstice. I like the TV shows (well some of them) , the Alastair Sim "A Christmas Carol", "Scrooged" and "Miracle on 34th Street" (The Original)... I can deal with the songs...I have problems with some of the lyrics, but the music is generally pretty good

    More than anything I love the idea of  putting aside differences (which are largely the result of ignorance, vivid imaginations, and bad communication) and trying to get along. Shame it only happens around this time of year, but it seems to be all we can handle.

    So while I actually like Christmas (or whatever we're celebrating. I like to thinkit's our collective humanity) I tend to have trouble around this time of year. Personal problems, health issues, financial stuff including loss of employment etc... It all seems to happen around this time, and this year is no different.


     It's more likely in the nature of a self fulfilling prophecy. I always have very high hopes for the season, as I always have very high expectations of myself. Despite the fact that I'd probably be voted most likely be the Grinch, I am, at heart, an optimist. I live in hope that tomorrow will be better than today and that humankind isn't really suicidal. The majority of us are generous and caring. We can also be selfish, petty and afraid. Nobody is always one thing...We're complicated like that.

     So I expect a lot.

     I don't mean presents. I'm in the middle of purging a lot of detritus preparing to move.
I have too much stuff as it is. Don't get me wrong, I like  to get gifts as much as anyone. I can live without them, saves me from making the "Present Face" (as Garfunkel and Oates have put it) if I get something I'm iffy about. Anyway I prefer giving, and therein maybe the problem.

      I like to give presents, and over the last few years I haven't been able to give the way I'd like. Yes, it can be a money thing, but its also a time and materials thing too. I think that may be the root of a lot it. I can't give the way I want, so I'm disappointed with myself, and hence the season.
     There that was easy, wasn't it?  Problem solved.

     Except, that's not all of it...

     Maybe it's a spiritual thing, or lack of same. Kharma, maybe? I may have done something truly heinous that I'm unaware of, in this one or previous one, or am I mixing my religious metaphors.
     Maybe it's the time of year, or maybe it's the time of man...

     Or maybe I'm taking it all to personally...Probably.

     Whatever it is, I apologize to Christmas for any wrongs I may have committed. I'm truly sorry. Please forgive me.

     And to all my friends, family, acquaintances, my reader and to anyone I've ever met, may you have the happiest of holidays, and may all your dreams and wishes for the new year all come true and then some.


Michael Hiller


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