Sunday, November 21, 2010

      Almost Crazy is Not for the Feint of Heart

      I've been dealing with  psychologists and psychiatrists from the ripe old age of 8 or so, for a variety of reasons and issues. Believe me it wasn't my idea.

    Teachers started it because of the "not living up to potential" thing. I was the poster boy for not living up to my potential and I would have made one too, but I never got around to it. That went on from grade school to middle school, to the point where I was undergoing EEGs  and IQ tests. Psychologists would give me self-esteem tests too. Nobody would ever tell me whether I passed or not. There were vague references to a high IQ and being bored in class. I didn't care. It didn't make me feel any better.

    The irony to all this was the testing ended round about the time that the really nasty symptoms started manifesting themselves. Barn door locked, horse gone. But that's another blog (See Mr. Scary below)

     So for a long time I went through some serious shit by myself. I could have asked for help but I didn't want to go through the whole testing, poking and prodding thing again, with no results. I just wanted to be ignored by everything and everybody.

     Genetically I had reasons to worry.  I had immediate precedents on both sides of the family. and through multiple generations. Unfortunately you don't get to pick and choose which genetic traits you get any more than you get to pick your relatives. You just have to play the cards you're dealt, even if they suck. Luckily for me, I happen to be a pretty good poker player.

For the record (Those who know me already know this, because I have talked about it. If this is news, please don't worry, I'm still harmless) I have been diagnosed with Type 2 Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar Disorder, which is managed by medication, so I function in relative normality. I also have an anxiety disorder, as well which used to make new situations and meeting new people loads of fun. Again, Meds help...

A word about psych meds, since you asked...It takes a while before you can get them up to a therapeutic level. Most of them cause drowsiness, at least initially. Some of them have interesting side effects. One I'm currently titrating on gives me dry mouth something fierce. But I soldier on. And most people have no idea. They think I'm just an artsy, which is also true.

The next play I'm directing is "Nuts". I think I have the necessary background.

But I'm not crazy...I'm just a little unwell.

Don't be ascared. It's just me.


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